Can we talk about what it’s really like to be a Carer?
Image courtesy of Unsplash
Being a Carer is hard work; it’s meaningful but not easy. Those of us who have been lifelong Carers to disability, mental illness or aging loved ones could probably write the guidebook on it - if only we had the support for ourselves.
Most Carers spend around 100 hours each week in the role on average. One hundred hours every week of every month, year in, year out - Can you imagine?
If ‘Carer’ was officially recognised as a job role, the dilemmas for employers might include burnout and other psychosocial safety issues, health and wellbeing, holiday leave, training and adequate pay, to name a few of the rights afforded to workers in, paid roles. Unpaid Carers experience the same struggles without recognition, training, support, time off or adequate remuneration.
I remember sitting in the specialist’s office, supporting my loved one at an appointment one day. The doctor was a middle-aged family woman and a brilliant and insightful medical specialist. “How on earth are you coping?!” she said. It wasn’t so much a question as a statement.
“I don’t know, really - I’m so tired, I just keep going”, I muttered, trying to raise a shred of optimism even though I struggled with exhaustion. “Still, it’s an important job”, I added, “and I’ve been doing it my whole life, so I guess that’s my purpose, in a way.”
“But, lately, I’ve been dealing with never-ending difficult behaviour, medications, hospitalisations and community care services, and it doesn’t leave much time for anything else. Going down the street to grab a coffee at the moment is impossible”.
She grimaced and nodded with the kind of understanding shared between two mothers, all too familiar with the feelings of helplessness to relieve the suffering and complexity for our loved ones and ourselves.
She gave me some resources about anxiety and self-care, and most importantly, she listened to me. I was not the patient, but the 5 minutes she generously spent listening and chatting with me felt like such a relief. In a very short time, I noticed that someone else cared. There were things I could do to support myself, and I recognised the healing power of describing my own experience out loud. I walked out of her office feeling just a little bit lighter. Just a little more hopeful.
Meaningful support for Carers has been a long time coming
She was one of the few health professionals who asked me, "How are you coping?” I could count on one hand the times that support or a kind conversation has been offered to me over many decades of caregiving.
When it comes to delivering healthcare services, it’s time to value the whole experience, including the experience of the Carers themselves, which is why we’re thrilled to be able to offer counselling support to Carers under the new Australian Government Initiative - Carers Gateway.
It’s been a long time coming, and getting used to the idea that help is available can feel strange. Carers tend to be compassionate by nature and ‘other person’ focused, and it will take time for those of us who often put ourselves last to receive support and feel less alone.
What is Carers Counselling?
Carer counselling is specifically designed to support people from all walks of life in the carer role. It’s person-centred, meaning you guide the conversation. You might explore the good and not-so-good feelings about being a Carer and broaden your understanding of your unique situation. Sessions allow you to discuss your physical, mental, and psychological well-being and explore other meaningful interests in life, such as work or study, hobbies and social support.
At the core of this person-centred approach is deep listening and acknowledgement from your practitioner of the genuine dilemmas and complexities you face without judgment. Where appropriate, your counsellor can also provide resources to support you, such as information or practices you can try and referrals to specialist support services and organisations.
It’s OK to be supported in a role that gives so much to others.
As a lifelong Carer now in my mid-fifties, I understand how difficult it is to make the switch from going it alone and not always being aware of my struggles and vulnerability to reaching out for and accepting support for myself and my family. You or someone you know might be in a similar circumstance. To learn more about who a Carer is and how we support Carers, check out our Carer Services.
Stay safe and well
Kim