Did you know that social intelligence skills lead to healthier relationships and increased resilience against mental health problems? Before we dive into why and how to do it, let’s do some myth busting about community participation and social relationships.

Friendship - quality or quantity?

According to the VIA Institute, using social intelligence to build connections isn't about collecting lots of friends, it's about building stronger relationships with the people you trust and being OK in social situations. Thankfully, you don’t need to belong to every social group around to reap the benefits!

Why does it matter?

When it comes to community and economic participation for people living with disabilities research shows good social skills lead to better education and employment outcomes and more community participation. Practising social skills in natural everyday settings increases confidence, capacity and accomplishments.

So, what is social intelligence exactly?

If the words emotional intelligence come to mind, you’re halfway there. Social Intelligence does include being emotionally intelligent (awareness and insight into your own feelings and behaviours) but it’s also about noticing and understanding the motives and feelings of other people, knowing what makes other people tick and knowing how to fit into different social situations. As Dr. Chris Peterson, famously said “Other people matter”

Manage life better

Studies have found developing social support can decrease depression, anxiety and pain in people with disabilities or chronic illness. Plus, people with strong connections tend to take better care of their mental and physical health compared with those living in isolation.

Coping with stressors

Becoming socially intelligent gives us the ability to handle stress better by raising our;

• resilience - for times when things get tough, we tend to bounce back better.

• self-esteem - identifying as good people who belong to a community, family or chosen group.

• confidence - to reduce social anxiety and fears about messing up when we’re around others.

• coping abilities - we tend to choose healthier coping styles and self-care habits.

• participation in social gatherings - for increased meaning, purpose and enjoyment of life.

• accomplishments, such as navigating personal goals, setbacks and challenges better - when help is available we can get support to accomplish our goals.

OK, you’ve got this! Let’s do it

• Identify a friend or mentor who relates well with others. Watch them closely and try to emulate the social skills that you admire in them.

• Listen to your friends carefully without preparing a reply and simply reflect your feelings after they are finished.

• Notice and appreciate the positive aspects of people. Share your thoughts with them in conversation.

• Practice identifying a range of emotions as you feel them and express your emotions to others in a balanced way.

• Notice non-verbal signals and details.

• If someone offends you, try to find at least one good thing in their motives. Consider reasons why their behaviour might be temporary, or situational rather than who they are.

• Practice in small ways with everyday people, like the delivery person or the person you buy groceries from.

Use these tips to boost your wellbeing and support by making deeper connections with people you trust and like. Happy connecting!

Stay safe and well,

Kim

References

Choiseul-Praslin, B., & McConnell, A. (2020). Increasing Work Skills for Students With Significant Disabilities: A Six-Step Model for Transition Worksite Programs. Career Development and Transition for Exceptional Individuals, 43(3), 180–186. https://doi.org/10.1177/2165143419893363

Cohen, G.L., & Sherman, D. K. (2014). The Psychology of Change: Self-Affirmation and Social Psychological Intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 65(1), 333–371. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115137

Cook, J.E., Purdie-Vaughns, V., Garcia, J., & Cohen, G. L. (2012). Chronic Threat and Contingent Belonging: Protective Benefits of Values Affirmation on Identity Development. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 102(3), 479–496. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0026312

Franks, H.M., Cronan, T. A., & Oliver, K. (2004). Social support in women with fibromyalgia: Is quality more important than quantity? Journal of Community Psychology, 32(4), 425–438. https://doi.org/10.1002/jcop.20011

Penninx, B.W., Van Tilburg, T., Deeg, D.J.H., Kriegsman, D.M.W., Boeke, A.J.P., & Van Eijk, J.T.M. (1997). Direct and buffer effects of social support and personal coping resources in individuals with arthritis. Social Science & Medicine (1982), 44(3), 393–402. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0277-9536(96)00156-6

Rashid, T. (2013). 340 Ways of Using VIA Strengths. https://tayyabrashid.com/pdf/via_strengths.pdf.

Swainston, J. (2003). Cultivating Social Intelligence: 3 Ways to Understand Others. PositivePsychology.com. B.V.

VIA Institute on Character. (2022). Social Intelligence. https://www.viacharacter.org/character-strengths/social-intelligence.